Has this ever happened to you?

3 min readMay 28, 2023

Has this ever happend to you? It’s September, you’re taking care of yourself, you’ve got it all under control. Your diet? Amazing! You’re eating clean, not struggling at all because it “makes you feel good”. Your training? Fantastic! You’re training 3 times a week, sometimes for even up to 2 hours. You come out of a session feeling the high of adrenalin only a good workout can give you. Love life? You’re an independent woman who doesn’t need validation from a guy to feel good about yourself. You’re off tinder. You’re off all apps. You’re off the map all together but you’re genuinly okay with it. At least, for now. Months go by and everything’s going well. Suddenly, it’s a couple of months away from your birthday. It’s a big one this year. 30. Yeah. Thirty. Wow! You never thought you’d make it to 25 but now, look at you. Almost made it a decade as an “adult”.

So you decide: FUCK IT. Diet? None of that, the suns out past 6 so that means drinks. No more taking your prepped lunches to work. No more meal prepping, period! You eat what there is and yes, there are healthy options but there also is pizza. So you eat pizza. Training? Well, you must of turned 30 a while ago because you’re back’s so fucked up you can’t even sit on a bench and have half a conversation before leaving. So no gym. Where’s all the pizza going? No where good. Love life? Back on the apps. Back on the rollercoaster of flaky men and dissapointing conversations (with some significantly good encounters with great people who can’t be in your life for a variety of reasons). Generally not great but neither terrible.

Every year you tell yourself that it’ll be different. That this time things will work out the way you’ve always envisioned they would. Yet every year, around the time the clock restarts and another 365 days of life begins, things aren’t at all that different. So you go back to your autodestrutive ways because in honesty it’s all you know. If you’re diet isn’t terrible and making you feel like shit, you don’t know how to be. If you’re training sessions aren’t short, unproductive and badly managed, you don’t know how to be. If you’re not with a guy that makes you feel like you’re unworthy of affection, you don’t know how to be. So you search for all the things that mak you feel like shit because feeling like shit is all you know.

Has this ever happened to you? You live through a cycle of autodestruction you know so well. You must have done this a milion times because you’ve predicted almost everything. The simple fact that you’re aware of it makes you feel like you’ve improved in some way. That maybe 30 is indeed a moment where things change. That change is more a process where we try to reach a certain goal and never quite achieve it but do get closer to. The diet, the training, the boys are all things that will continue to transform and will inevitable change because you know that you will too. Inevitably. This is nice. So, yes, it’s still an autodestructive cycle but one you’re more aware of and therefore more in control of. I guess that’s what 30 feels like.